Also, her closing call to action sounds more like a threat. You want to leave the reader with an avenue for follow-up, but don't intimidate them into responding. After all, they're not obligated to respond. You want to make them want to reach out to you for more information or next steps.
Assess Your Final Draft At this point, you're ready to send it off, either in the mail, handing it off, or sending it through the Internet tubes. Let's take a last look at the good examples put together, Jean's better draft.