In the bad example, Jean is too vague, and has a few red flags, like suggesting that her last job didn't end well, and making an inappropriate joke about Scorpios to gloss it over. You can tell people you're great, but it's better to prove it by offering specifics, like she does in the better example. In the second example, Jean's letter body is more clearly organized, and makes sure to give the most relevant details about her career so far.
While most are not legally binding, there may still be consequences for not complying with the agreed upon portions of the letter. A Letter of Intent is often seen like purchase or crowd-sourced orders, so they are often used to help secure funding or prove the value of the business. If the other party drops out or doesn't honor "in good faith" the letter, actual financial damage may be incurred to the company. In court, most often the judge will make decisions based on what implied intent is expressed in the letter. Sometimes there can be recourse if the parties do not follow through towards an actual legal agreement.